What Hurts The Most.

Sometime I am happy he already taken for someone who much better than I am. She is clever, beautiful and hot girl. I admit that I not comparable to her. She has everything-everyone likes her very much. Who doesn't want a girl like her compare to me. Glad I already finished my school time so, I couldn't to see them together with my eyes. Facts, sometime I got jealous when I saw them together even just a pieces of picture at twitter. Sometime I felt that she stole him from me but when I think about it back "Why must I wait for someone who just hurt myself many times? Why must I waste my teardrops for someone who never appreciate me well like I always do. I'm waiting for him such a long time but he never saw my effort to get close to him even just be a friend? What a stupid myself!!!!!". I didn't want to give a broken heart for .. I also didn't know how many times I broke my heart for a same person. I am such an idiot, still gave a hope to someone who always ignored me. I was really excited to leave where I am actually I live now because I wanted to start a new life and maybe I would become someone that people who knew me never expect that I would do that. Sometime, I got tired to live in this world with the hypocrite people. I must change before it's too late........

" I should have never let myself get my hopes up. Because in the end, hope is the one who screws me over. It gives me all these dreams of how things could be, and then, just like that, they get taken away from you. Yes, hope is the real cause of all my heartbraek. That was hurt the most "

Happiness.

Life is complicated. After, I left all the pain that he gave to me my life become brighter even sometime my mind keep remember him. I don't care what will happen after this. I have my own plan for my life. I will study hard to get straight A's in my big examination that will be held on November 6th, 2013. Then, I will leave this city  and go somewhere to release everything that I carry  the burden all this time. Seriously, after the examination end I want to go somewhere there's a people but they never know who I am. I want to go alone because after I come back I will make sure everything will become a new brand myself. I want to throw all the pain that I carry for many year only for him and suddenly he did this to me, that was cruel. Thank you so much love, you wake me up from dreams will not come true. The fact is, I never can win your heart. I don't want my heart become worst only because of you so, I will leave you peace and I hope you will have a great life and please don not do this to other girl, enough only to me. I will try my best to delete everything, don't you worry, I will make it like "we" never happen. Thank you so much, I appreciate what just you do to me.

Why don't you.

Why don't you just asked her. I am tired to see all of your drama with her. I knew you had a feeling on her. Why don't you try? I bet she would say "Yes. I do!" but that time what only I could feel, you just killed my life. I knew I'm not interested to you. I knew I couldn't make you love me even I tried so hard. Right now, what only I could say to you, "I am give up of trying. I hope someday you wouldn't regret of what you did to me. I am not the same girl that you knew. I'm give up. I must moved on from this". I knew this is hard to say goodbye but that was the way that only I could do to erase your name and your life from my life. I have a lot of things to plan, someday I would come back I hope on that time you're happy with the only girl that could make you happy all the time. I knew if I compare myself with her, I would lost because she was a pretty, beautiful, adorable, cute, smart, fashionable, funny and kind. I am not told you that I didn't have all that she has but some of that I didn't have on myself. Seriously, I have to tell you that actually because of you I felt like I want to go somewhere and come back with a new brand of myself and I bet on that time, I only saw you just an ordinary guy that I never knew and I don't think so I had been talked to you before in my life. Last but not least, go grab her before it's too late and I am happy if you're happy. Don't worry I would make it "we" never happened. Oh, sweetheart right now I really felt the calm in my life and there's nothing that I hold before something that was really thigh and now I really don't care about you anymore. Goodbye crush...

Again.

 

Sometime I'm hoping that it will not happen again but it is not exactly what we've planned because God is the one who determine whether it is good enough for me or not. I can't realize that the history that I've made before just happened to me again. Now, I'm really tired of trying in love with someone because love is hurt. You have to make a research of something that you've been searching for if is not it will haunt us. After, what he did to me, I just knew he was not the right guy that I'm searching for. I felt really stupid and broken. I still remember on my birthday, I stay up all night to wait his wished "Happy Birthday" to me, but he never wished me. He was actually the guy with a mask, he looked nice guy but he wasn't. Sometime, when I think it back it was like "Why, I'm chasing you like crazy. I know you will never think about me". Last two days, he was chatting with her and that girl has more than what I have. I'm broken and I felt like I really want to run from where actually I'm standing right now and just go to somewhere that place have people that didn't know me. I just wanted to delete everything until I could forget your name, what you like, what you dislike and of course your life. Because of I've started to know you, I felt like my life was over and died. You're like a murder. I'm hoping that someday you will suddenly remember what have you done to me. The pain that you gave to me, it was really painful. I just wanted to thank to you because of you I've learnt how to be someone that really carefully to choose somebody for my life. From those just happened to me make me woke up from you curse that I'm actually an expansive and exclusive girl and the only could own me, was the same like me. Actually, I'm still wonder, "Why actually I like you?" . Now, I'm a Miss Moving On and after I moved on, I really could feel the calm and I could feel we didn't have any connection but shame feeling still haunted me and stupid feeling also still haunted myself. Life wasn't easy so, to make it easy we must face it because with that we have experience to face the same problem on our future.

- The End -

Life must go on.

I don't know how to start but since July pasted, I felt gone. I really want to start a new life, I want to stay alone in my own world with my family. I want don't want to see anyone else. I just want to enjoy my life alone. I wish person who knew me, never know my name, my story and all about  me. I felt people are trying to be nice to me but actually they are not, they can be a good actor but they never can be a good actor to God, Allah s.w.t. I wish I can start my life from beginning but it's too late to do that, what I can do just be a new person who never care about anybody's story and problems. I want to built something magical that people surrounding me never expect that actually who I am. I can stand by my own self and I wish someday I will leave this place and I want to go somewhere that has a beautiful scenery and I can rest my mind from people that I know. I feel fool for trying to love someone that actually I already knew that couldn't get him. Why must I'm wasting all these tears on him? He loves someone and I will never know it. Someday I will make sure all the tears that I'm dealing with now will be my happy life on my future. I must start to learn how to appreciate my history because my history right now I can stand by my own self and I still can breath with a smile to move on in life. I shall start a new life, no love and I will happy forever.

Brave to Move On.

I learnt many things about life and it makes me brave, especially about love. Honestly, even it was hurt but all that was part of life of a human being. I still finding who is myself and why I still breathing in the biggest world that we all knew that there was no ending. I found the answer of why I still breathing, the answer was I still breathing because Him. He gave me everything. I stay healthy because of Him. I thank to Him everyday and I knew He never bored to hear the prayer of a His servant. I always prayers to Him to show me the guidance and the truth about love and finally, I got the answer. He answer my prayers and I knew He will because He love me. Allah s.w.t show me the truth things about him, he didn't like someone advice him about his mistakes and I still wonder why he not told me the truth about it. Why must someone told me about what you exactly you wanted to say. Why? I like person who could tell me the truth and told me directly not used anyone to tell me the truth, that was mean you're not gentleman. I felt stupid love you and before this I keep sent you a message, I didn't know why I did that. After someone told me the truth that you're actually sensitive to talk about it, I didn't know what actually I felt that could be said, mixed feeling. I felt hurt much more than you did to me before. I wasted my time cried for you but you never noticed it. What I only could say, goodluck for your future and I hope you will find someone that could understand you more than me. I reliased that he actually didn't have any future plans so, why must I waste my time for you him? I would be stupid if I wait for him. I could feel that he could not give me a beautiful future life. I tried many times to forget him but it did not work but now even it hurts I have to force myself to did it because I wanted to move on. It is the time to let him go away from my life, forever and ever. After this, there was no stalk you, I would stand by my own self and I knew this was the biggest decision that I made and I would never regret to lost you from my  life. What I only could say, Goodbye Sweetheart you changed my life and I'm getting more stronger than before. I hope you will enjoy you're life and Goodbye.............

" I'm happy to know you. I will never forget you because of you, I had amazing history life and because of you, I'm strong. Thank You Sweetheart ".

Words.

"Words never can describe myself'"

Everyone have their own habit to judge people including myself. We're like born in the "Word Machine" and the machine of course will be  our mouth. By using our mouth, we're actually can create something weather is it a good things or behide of it. Maybe we can judge them by say them "you're ugly" but do you think that she/ he will accept it even they looked nerd but you cannot judge them by their appeareance. Some of them, they will looked nerd and ugly at school because of something that they wanted to hide from us and maybe by judging them, they will be become more stronger than you're not going to expect what will happen after this. I will not to be suprise that if someone who looks ugly and nerd become beautiful and more gorgeous than the hottest girls in the school because we're do not know what actually the story behide their appearance. Honestly, I just done this before. I will wear something that people will look at me "She is ugly and she do not know even about fashion", for me it is just make my stronger. I will wear something that can show real myself and I'm not scared of judging cause that is life. We cannot  run from this things.
Futhermore, you will look at me every morning with my smile but behide the smile there was a lot of story that I cannot tell anyone but only me and God know it. Secrect must be kept safely. Before I slept I will cry. Cried for my sin, for my wrongs, for my life, for myself , for my future and of course for them I love so much, for my parents. However, I will always try to forget the person that I like from I was 12 years old until now but I still failed to forget it. Sometimes, before I slept I will cry for what actually I've been done, I felt stupid of loved him and I started to learn something that love actually cannot be trusted in this ages. I will try my best to forget about him as possible as I can. I just afraid of something, if let say one day he will say
"I like you" and on that time I will do not have any feeling for him but actually, that will be the time that I've been wait it just arrived but on that time there's nothing to say cause it's already too late. Last but not least, there's will be only my future, my parents and myself to run this world. So, only this for today. I think I just wrote something great tonight before I go to sleep. Have a good day, goodnight and Assalamualaikum.

Never look back.

Hello, Good Morning everyone!! So, I just only another 10 minutes to go. Honestly, I just try to learn my Economy subject and it was amazing, I cannot believe that I can study this subject because actually I dislike about this subject cause I'm not the a success student in reading. By the way, even only 10 percent the topic that I leartn just now, it's almost done it's brought me to study more and more cause you like what I said on my lastest post that all about future like and my parents.Suddenly, I disappointed myself that I keep blaming myself like if I study hard before, I can get what I really what as  you all know Straight A's. I feel stupid abut I could not go back to my past but, I still have I chance to learnt from my past. Know I could tell you that I got 10 percent confident to get a Straight A's so, In Shaa Allah I would share with  you the right method that you should try when you're study, and now I knew what is meaning of "Study Smart". Last but not least, I hope you're a very good time and have fun with you life. So, I have go . See ya!!! Assalamualaikum and byee.

"I'll never stop dreaming that one day we can be a real family, together, all of us laughing and talking, loving and understanding, not looking at the past but only to the future."

Before it's too late

Hello there! I hope you guys in a good health. By the way, I'm actually nervous and afraid and scared too, to face the Trials Examination that will be held on August 27th, 2013. Honestly, I have my own objective about this, that is I don't want to break my parents heart again and In Shaa Allah I will study smart maybe study hard also as possible I can cause I don't want to make any mistake again and again. I'm tired of this, sometimes I feel like I just want to give up but my sweetheart, Safrina left her word for us before she passed away "Stop being such a cry baby and pick yourself back up soldier cause the war isn't over yet". I will bring this word everywhere because she's the one who always give me inspiration about life. She's amazing and beautiful and pretty, even she already get back to Allah s.w.t but my memories with her still fresh. She always make everyone happy even actually she is not. Actually my cheeck just wet with tears. I cannot talk about her, she is too perfect for me and I always prays she will be in heaven now and of course right she's waiting for us. So, let's go back to the story. I have weakness that people never about that even my close friend and I know everyone have their own weakness right? So, my weakness is I cannot hear anyone talk or discuss about future cause It will bring to something. I can feel sadness, angry, disappointed and more  that is all relate to future at the same time. I'm speechless and I feel worst without any reasons. Futhermore, I'm still lost my confident about SPM sometimes. I'm afraid If I cannot archive what I really want, I just need a straight A's. I don't care what type of "A" actually, I just want an "A" that's all. I' afraid that I still cannot give my parents a good present and is good result. Yes, maybe people say that "If you get a good result you will be the first person who are really happy for that and you will try and try until the war is over" but I'm not, I just want to be the last person who feel happy about my result after my parents proud me. I just need a good result, I want to make them proud of me and I want to pay back their money with my result, MY GOOD RESULT!!! I don't want to see my parents cry because I still don't get want they want from me especially my mother. I want she's the first person who feel proud of me. I want my sister make me as their role model. I just want that. There's no more happiness then make my parents happy. In Shaa Allah, I'll try my best to get what I want and I want to make them suprise with my good result cause my father said " I just want 75 an above cause I know you cannot even archive an straight A's". I want to make sure my weakness will be my strength. I want to make something magical that they actually don't not expect that I can get it. I believe in Allah s.w.t and only Him can help me. Allahukhbar!!! It's never too late to change the faith as long as I work hard for it. So, I think only this fir today so goodnight to all for you and Assalamualaikum to all muslim. 

"Sometimes Allah will give us a present that we never expect tha we can get it, Allah's magical Most Powerful and there's no one can beat Him. Allahukhbar!!"

Never Fails.....

Middle of midnight with song that describe you personally and people never know that. So, I'm still here still wake up and I still can breath like usually, Alhamdulillah. To countinue the story that actually I want to tell you is of course about someone who I fall in love many time on him, hahaha. Lately, we're DM-ing 

(Twitter : Direct Message). Honestly, I'm not a desprete type, if he doesn't like me is okay but I want to be his friend before my senior year burn and on that time I will cry only because we still doesn't have any live conversation since we're 12 years old, that is sad. Actually, I fall in love on him for the third time and I don't know why he still can enter my heart even I just promise that I don't want to keep thinking about this anymore but it just happened so I couldn't do anything, just watch what will happen next. Now, I can see he looks at me that is good respond from him instead of he doesn't give me any respond at least he makes me smile everyday even we still doesn't have any live conversation yet, soon In Shaa Allah. I want he start the conversation first but I don't think so it will happen, I don't know why I still keep thinking about this I meant a "Negative Thinking". By the way, he still doesn't have anything to do yet after SPM and I really hope he will thing about future before SPM or Trials starts. As a friend I don't what to see him jobless, that will be more sad okay. So, I shold to go cause now is the Ramadhan month so, I have to get enough sleep if not I will tired easy ang of course I will sleep tomorrow's class. Wish and prays for me for Trials that will be held on the end of August and SPM will be held on November 6th, 2013. Goodnight and Assalamualaikum......

Cruel Life!!

Life must be great because it is decorated with feelings and emotion.We can say our life is happy as if it is decorated with colourful fireworks but, when our life turns out to be sad and sorrow, it seems like you have the fireworks, but it does not work at all - does not blow off.

My life must be different than what you guys are having! Ever since 2013 started, I felt like my life was boring until I reached a point where I feel like it is better for me not to live anymore.I have my love which is my family but they seems like does not care me and love me.I have a lot of friends but yet I feel so lonely.I can say my life is like a very flaf music with no climax.A boring song that keeps on playing but no one is intrested to listen to it! I tried to know myself, find myself.Who am I ? I must know myself before I let people to know more about me.

I always sit by my ownself in my bedroom.When everything is so silent, I can only hear the birds chirping and the fan swirls at its own pace.

I want everybody to know what I feel cause I know there out-side many teenage especially girls think the same thing and feel the same feeling so, I decided to shared it even, it is personal things about myself.Be honest, if I tell you how I feel, I don't know what will happen to my life in the future.Crying all night without any reason? I never make  my parents proud, because I know ,my achivements still do not reach their targets or levls that they had set up.It made me wonder- Am I a good daugther to them?

People say that "Every girls has their own beauty but some for them could not see their own beauty"I never believe those words.Why I cannot get a beautiful life like other people have? I am so tired of laughing and crying all by myself!

I have a lot of friends I feel like that they do not need me ar all.Am I alone in every situation? Turn off my handphone, crying and crying and crying as if that is the only way out.Then I asked to myself, "God, why do I feel so lifeless?"

Keep on blaming myself for what had happen.No one believes me.Even if I smile every morning does not mean I am happy.Living without any problem ahead.I am done!!! Thank you for reading.

What a very good start ♥

Assalamualaikum,

Hey! Who's your second week 2013? Hope you had a very good start in 2013.So, I've been quite actually not too long time because I was to busy with my daily activity.Well, for you information this week at my school just started kokurikulum activities.Most shocked in this year is, that I never expect I would get higher rank in every club that I had joined.I had been chosen as treasurer of the Red Crescent Society.Futhermore, I also selected a vice-secretary of the Malay Society.Last but not least, I was elected as the Chairman of the Association of Tennis.Honestly, all the rank is totaly outside of my expectations but I always thanks to Allah s.w.t cause maybe this way Allah s.w.t bestow the sustenance.Alhamdulillah ,Allah itu Maha Kaya and Maha Pemurah.As a muslim or as Allah s.w.t's servart maybe sometimes we feel that Allah s.w.t is not fair but actually we're totally wrong and Allah s.w.t always right in every His way.I learnt everything from my past story and maybe because of that we couldn't go back to our past cause our past was like our history and we need a lot of history of ourlife and because in our future In Shaa Allah, Allah s.w.t will give us a children and f course we doesn't want our children be like us.Alhamdulillah, after I got all the rank I feel like I have a lot of responsiblity that must be borne.Only to Allah that I can thank cause without Him maybe I couldn't breath, eat and everything.So, I'm getting tired now so, I think I shall stop here now.In Shaa Allah, if I have a free time, In Shaa Allah I will post more interesting story that all the story based on my own experience and as usual I leave with my own word:

All my story based on my own experience and from my deep heart.I hate to copy other's statement and I won't do that cause Allah s.w.t already give me a good brain to think and of course I need to use it well. 

-Nurul Asyiqin Mohamed-

-Assalamualaikum, Much of love xoxo-

Saddest

Assalamualaikum,

Hey everybody, today I wanted to share story about my friend.I knew her from kindergarden, I still can remember how close we're but the moment we're can be close friend not longer cause she is  clever girl/student so, after UPSR she's countinue her study at MRSM and after that I that I never met her until last year, I met her at my best friend's open house and I didn't realize that actually it would be my last day I could talk with her cause after that pen house she told her mother that she was desprately headache and her mother brought her to hospital and doctor detect that she got something at her brain and more shocked is doctor said something on her brain is actually from she born.She already 3 month in the hospital and last month I'm happy cause she was transfer from ICU to normal wad and last night I got new news that she was transfer back to ICU and more worst is herlife is totally depends to machine.Last evening, I visited her and I can't look at her cause her condition was too critical and started to cry cause she is like my sister we're grow up together even, we're not to close now days but I still need her wake up cause everyone need her back.Seriously, in mylife I'm going to lost my own friend  and I never want her go but what can I do only pray to Allah s.w.t so that she will wake up and will be going back to herlife back.Only this for today Assalamualaikum, Much of love xoxo

All my story based on my own experience and from my deep heart.I hate to copy other's statement and I won't do that cause Allah s.w.t already give me a good brain to think and of course I need to use it well. 

-Nurul Asyiqin Mohamed-

New Year, New Life

Assalamualaikum,

How your New Year celebration? Of course, it was fun and great right? I hope so, hahaa. Well, 2013 just came and 2012 won't come again. Offically, I'm 17 years old! Its unbelievable and seriously, I'm scared to face it cause I never expect that I'm going to "17". I'm getting nervous to face all of this things.Next year, I'm ging to collage then, work all day then, getting married the...... huhh. I hope, my target for trial SPM and SPM is ging to happen!!!!! I want my last year as a high school student will bring me a beautiful moment and I hope I can get a good achivement in study and also in sport too. I'm grown up! What?!!! But, I really thankful to Allah s.w.t cause He always give me chance to change  and Alhamdulillah my years become much more better than before in all because of Him(Allah s.w.t). I have to be  mature in every situation. SPM is really important for me cause it's beggining of my future life.Ayah alwaus said "What we had done before and now is for our future". This time, I won't let my SPM result going to be worst result like my UPSR and PMR's result. Straight A's is my target! I don't care what type of  "A" I will get soon as long as I got an "A".I promised to mama to get the straight A's for my result in trial and SPM. But, of course I want my trial and SPM result only have "A+" and "A" only without "A- and below". I will study smart and study hard to get it! Fisrt chance, to make my parents proud of me and I only want to see my parents smile and cry  because I have a great result. I prayed and cryed to Allah s.w.t all night to get this glory chance.My parents is like my fans , they never tired give me support and I will never make them dissapoint this time! Anyway, good morning and have a graet year. In Shaa Allah, 2013 will be a great year for us! Alhamdulillah

All my story based on my own experience and from my deep heart.I hate to copy other's statement and I won't do that cause Allah s.w.t already give me a good brain to think and of course I need to use it well. 

-Nurul Asyiqin Mohamed-