Please don't...

To be  honest, I'm just scared of getting hurt again. I just a little too scared to get close because everyone who said they'd be there, left. Please don't fall in love to me. I also didn't understand what actually I felt on that time I really did love you so much until I could stay and wait almost 3 years without loving anyone. Even now after I knew that you just got break with that girl, I'm still hoping there's a space for me in your heart. After all that happened to me, when I saw someone who have a looked better that you, I didn't have any feeling of excited to have that man like I always wanted you to be with me. I become trauma of loving people or like a man. I become a sensitive girl, I'm easily touched when people surrounding me make a fun of me, I took it serious. Why??? That why when I'm with my girls, they talked to me about one guy, I didn't have any feeling on it maybe God faith said that I should stay in this world only accompany with my parents and only family. The only things that I'm afraid now, I'm afraid that when I'm going to college I might hurt the feeling a man who might have a feeling on me. I didn't mean to hurt anybody but after all of many rejection from you until I became shy to meet you and your friends. I knew, I'm not like your ex's, all f them have a beauty of brain. I'm afraid that you might what to try again with me and I might lose you forever better I'd never say hi. I could stay alone in this world as long as, my parents always support me in whatever I will do or I'll might do but please do not try to love me. I'm not perfect for you, you will have a better woman soon. I hope someday you wonder about me because I almost do.....

Memorable.

Today the third day, I left you with my words that I didn't mean it at all "All the best, Syazwan". The way you called my name, I could still felt the feeling - butterflies on my stomach. Thank you so much for our conversation even it was just conversation about worked but at least you did my dreamed come true. Everyday I prayed to Allah s.w.t - hopes one day you will start the conversation between us. The day that I waited just happened to me. I never thought that you looked very cute when you're nervous and your innocent face still fresh on my mind. The memories between us such a beautiful memory to remember. I let you go away from my life because I didn't want your life trouble and mess up only because of me. I only believe on Allah s.w.t's miracle - I didn't want to give a high hopes on you because if someone broken my heart, I needed a lot of time to cover up my broken heart. But you always in my prays. If you're not my faith I will stop give a high hopes on you. I believe there's more woman outside better than me. I'm still teenager, I also didn't know what the feeling of love someone very hard until I couldn't let him go away from me. The most memorable was when you're secretly look at me while I'm doing my worked.

"Thank You love, I wish one day you will meet better woman for your  life"

What Hurts The Most.

Sometime I am happy he already taken for someone who much better than I am. She is clever, beautiful and hot girl. I admit that I not comparable to her. She has everything-everyone likes her very much. Who doesn't want a girl like her compare to me. Glad I already finished my school time so, I couldn't to see them together with my eyes. Facts, sometime I got jealous when I saw them together even just a pieces of picture at twitter. Sometime I felt that she stole him from me but when I think about it back "Why must I wait for someone who just hurt myself many times? Why must I waste my teardrops for someone who never appreciate me well like I always do. I'm waiting for him such a long time but he never saw my effort to get close to him even just be a friend? What a stupid myself!!!!!". I didn't want to give a broken heart for .. I also didn't know how many times I broke my heart for a same person. I am such an idiot, still gave a hope to someone who always ignored me. I was really excited to leave where I am actually I live now because I wanted to start a new life and maybe I would become someone that people who knew me never expect that I would do that. Sometime, I got tired to live in this world with the hypocrite people. I must change before it's too late........

" I should have never let myself get my hopes up. Because in the end, hope is the one who screws me over. It gives me all these dreams of how things could be, and then, just like that, they get taken away from you. Yes, hope is the real cause of all my heartbraek. That was hurt the most "

Happiness.

Life is complicated. After, I left all the pain that he gave to me my life become brighter even sometime my mind keep remember him. I don't care what will happen after this. I have my own plan for my life. I will study hard to get straight A's in my big examination that will be held on November 6th, 2013. Then, I will leave this city  and go somewhere to release everything that I carry  the burden all this time. Seriously, after the examination end I want to go somewhere there's a people but they never know who I am. I want to go alone because after I come back I will make sure everything will become a new brand myself. I want to throw all the pain that I carry for many year only for him and suddenly he did this to me, that was cruel. Thank you so much love, you wake me up from dreams will not come true. The fact is, I never can win your heart. I don't want my heart become worst only because of you so, I will leave you peace and I hope you will have a great life and please don not do this to other girl, enough only to me. I will try my best to delete everything, don't you worry, I will make it like "we" never happen. Thank you so much, I appreciate what just you do to me.

Why don't you.

Why don't you just asked her. I am tired to see all of your drama with her. I knew you had a feeling on her. Why don't you try? I bet she would say "Yes. I do!" but that time what only I could feel, you just killed my life. I knew I'm not interested to you. I knew I couldn't make you love me even I tried so hard. Right now, what only I could say to you, "I am give up of trying. I hope someday you wouldn't regret of what you did to me. I am not the same girl that you knew. I'm give up. I must moved on from this". I knew this is hard to say goodbye but that was the way that only I could do to erase your name and your life from my life. I have a lot of things to plan, someday I would come back I hope on that time you're happy with the only girl that could make you happy all the time. I knew if I compare myself with her, I would lost because she was a pretty, beautiful, adorable, cute, smart, fashionable, funny and kind. I am not told you that I didn't have all that she has but some of that I didn't have on myself. Seriously, I have to tell you that actually because of you I felt like I want to go somewhere and come back with a new brand of myself and I bet on that time, I only saw you just an ordinary guy that I never knew and I don't think so I had been talked to you before in my life. Last but not least, go grab her before it's too late and I am happy if you're happy. Don't worry I would make it "we" never happened. Oh, sweetheart right now I really felt the calm in my life and there's nothing that I hold before something that was really thigh and now I really don't care about you anymore. Goodbye crush...

Again.

 

Sometime I'm hoping that it will not happen again but it is not exactly what we've planned because God is the one who determine whether it is good enough for me or not. I can't realize that the history that I've made before just happened to me again. Now, I'm really tired of trying in love with someone because love is hurt. You have to make a research of something that you've been searching for if is not it will haunt us. After, what he did to me, I just knew he was not the right guy that I'm searching for. I felt really stupid and broken. I still remember on my birthday, I stay up all night to wait his wished "Happy Birthday" to me, but he never wished me. He was actually the guy with a mask, he looked nice guy but he wasn't. Sometime, when I think it back it was like "Why, I'm chasing you like crazy. I know you will never think about me". Last two days, he was chatting with her and that girl has more than what I have. I'm broken and I felt like I really want to run from where actually I'm standing right now and just go to somewhere that place have people that didn't know me. I just wanted to delete everything until I could forget your name, what you like, what you dislike and of course your life. Because of I've started to know you, I felt like my life was over and died. You're like a murder. I'm hoping that someday you will suddenly remember what have you done to me. The pain that you gave to me, it was really painful. I just wanted to thank to you because of you I've learnt how to be someone that really carefully to choose somebody for my life. From those just happened to me make me woke up from you curse that I'm actually an expansive and exclusive girl and the only could own me, was the same like me. Actually, I'm still wonder, "Why actually I like you?" . Now, I'm a Miss Moving On and after I moved on, I really could feel the calm and I could feel we didn't have any connection but shame feeling still haunted me and stupid feeling also still haunted myself. Life wasn't easy so, to make it easy we must face it because with that we have experience to face the same problem on our future.

- The End -

Life must go on.

I don't know how to start but since July pasted, I felt gone. I really want to start a new life, I want to stay alone in my own world with my family. I want don't want to see anyone else. I just want to enjoy my life alone. I wish person who knew me, never know my name, my story and all about  me. I felt people are trying to be nice to me but actually they are not, they can be a good actor but they never can be a good actor to God, Allah s.w.t. I wish I can start my life from beginning but it's too late to do that, what I can do just be a new person who never care about anybody's story and problems. I want to built something magical that people surrounding me never expect that actually who I am. I can stand by my own self and I wish someday I will leave this place and I want to go somewhere that has a beautiful scenery and I can rest my mind from people that I know. I feel fool for trying to love someone that actually I already knew that couldn't get him. Why must I'm wasting all these tears on him? He loves someone and I will never know it. Someday I will make sure all the tears that I'm dealing with now will be my happy life on my future. I must start to learn how to appreciate my history because my history right now I can stand by my own self and I still can breath with a smile to move on in life. I shall start a new life, no love and I will happy forever.